Visi vs Karakter

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Dulu. Jalam dahulu kala (halah) pikirku visi adalah segalanya. Dampak dari visi itu begitu sistematis. Dengan mengetahui apa yang menjadi visi hidupmu, kau akan memilah kepada siapa kau menginvestasikan waktu, tenaga, pikiran ataupun dirimu secara keseluruhan. Mungkin karna dulu saya selalu dikelilingi orang yang berbeda visi sehingga visi menjadi beegitu signifikan.

waktu berjalan, maju tanpa ampun. Kini visi yang sama bukanlah menjadi permasalahan signifikan. Entah kenapa kehidupan slalu punya cara unik untuk menarik setiap orang yang memiliki visi yang sama denganmu. Seperti magnet. Masalah baru muncul berikutnya: di tengah banyak orang yang memiliki visi yang sama denganmu, ternyata mereka memiliki karakter yang tidak sebegitu indah dengan visi mereka. Beberapa yang kutemukan memiliki karakter 180 derajat dari visi mereka.

See? Dulu masalah yang terbesar adalah visi. Ketika kau bertemu dengan banyak orang sevisi, masalahnya adalah karakter. Ada orang-orang yang kutemui masih dalam proses mencari jati diri dan kadang ada yang hanya menjawab dengan jawaban diplomatis super gag jelas: “visiku adalah membahagiakanmu (jawaban paling konyol dan tidak logis. Salah bila seseorang menggunakan kalimat ini untuk merayu)”. Apa gunakanya visi tanpa karakter yang mengimbanginya? Apa gunanya karakter tanpa visi yang menjaga ritmenya?

manakah yang akan kau pilih? Karakter ataukah yang Bervisi? Alangkah sempurnya bila yang hadir merupakan perpaduan antara keduanya. Suatu hari nanti.

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Captured by Jeni Karay

Kalau aku..
Aku jatuh cinta.
Aku jatuh cinta pada seseorang yang hanya sanggup aku gapai sebatas punggungnya saja.
Seseorang yang hanya sanggup aku nikmati bayangannya tapi takkan pernah bisa aku miliki.
Seseorang yang hadir bagaikan bintang jatuh.
Sekelebat, kemudian menghilang begitu saja.
Tanpa sanggup tangan ini mengejarnya.
Seseorang yang hanya bisa aku kirimi isyarat sehalus udara, langit, awan, atau hujan.

~Dee, Rectoverso

Better With Age: 10 Pros And Cons Of Dating An Older Man

Better With Age: 10 Pros And Cons Of Dating An Older Man

Here are a list of pros and cons to consider if you decide to date older:

Pros

He’s More Experienced in Life

Whether it’s in his career, knowledge acquired overtime, relationships or even in the bedroom, this man knows what he’s doing and knows what he wants. He’s confident and can teach you a thing or two with his advice.

He’s Financially Secure

He may be older, but he’s learned a lesson or two about making money, saving money and balancing his checkbook. He cares about his future and even retirement.

He’s Emotionally Stable

The older men are the calmest human beings. This is great for me, since I am a whirlwind during the week and it balances me out. He’s been through multiple ups and downs in relationships, and his feelings are in check. Plus, he’s a great listener.

He Loves Romance

With endless kisses, hugs and soft lit candles, he goes the distance to make sure you are happy and satisfied. When I would go away on trips and had my guy take care of my apartment, I always came home to flowers on the table, chocolate or homemade gifts. Aw!

You Look Good Together

Besides feeling good together in public, you look great together, too. Even though there have been those people who have judged, you’ll be surprised that there are more people on your side than you think. I got this comment many times with my last relationship and felt even more confident hearing it.


Cons

He’s Set in His Ways

This is probably the most challenging thing to overcome when dating an older guy. With him, what you see is what you get. Although you can’t change a man (or even a woman for that matter), the key is to bend for one another so both of your needs are fulfilled.

He’s Afraid of Commitment

When you come across an older man and learn he’s single, have you ever found yourself saying to your friends, “There’s a reason he’s alone and still single”? There’s always a reason, but the best thing is not to push. If it’s meant to be, it will be. For now, have fun and see where it might lead.

He Gets Compared To a Father Figure

This comment might make him and even you feel insecure. The important thing is how you two feel about one another and the good times you share. And don’t call him an “old man,” even if you’re joking; it will only make matters worse!

He Feels He Has “Power” in the Relationship

Personally and professionally, he has one up on you and may think only he has a right to call the shots in the relationship. It’s nice once in a while to let the man take the lead, but it shouldn’t be a power struggle. You both have something equally to give one another.

He’s Not the Life of the Party

He loves spending time with you, but may want to call it an early night instead of going to the next big party. Try to find the balance between going out and staying in.

Stay in for a couple nights by making dinner and watching a movie and doing one extreme outing during the week, even if it’s just for a bit. If he can’t, that’s what your friends are for!

Photo Courtesy: CW/Gossip Girl

Source: http://elitedaily.com/dating/pros-and-cons-of-dating-an-older-man/789862/

8 Ways to Pray For Your Love Life (Or Lack Thereof!)

I’ve been challenged lately with my tendency to think about things, rather than pray about them. 

There’s been a series of difficult events occurring in my life, and I find that I’m quick to analyze, figure out, and try to put the pieces together.  I guess what it comes down to is that I am somewhat of a control freak.  For me, if I can’t have control, I fool myself into thinking that I’ve got some sort of ability to “figure it out” in my head.

But as I’ve been weeding through Scripture lately, I’m realizing that my tendency to over-analyze is so antithesis to what God’s word says.  All through Scripture Jesus is challenging us: Don’t just dwell on things, pray about them.  Prayer is the act by which we mentally hand over our problems, concerns, fears, desires, and dreams to someone who actually has the power to control.  And it makes so much sense, because if we’re going to allow these things to fill our brain, we are better off doing it in a way that has the power to impact the things that are weighing us down, rather than simply allowing them to consume us. 

So for those of you who may find yourself consumed by your love life- or lackthereof, here are some ways to mentally and prayerfully hand those things to the One who can actually do something about it: 

Pray… 

  1. That God would give you a relationship (Matthew 7:7)! God’s word challenges us to ask and bring our needs before God.  As long as our hearts are aligned with His, there are no limits on what we can ask.  What are your deepest needs and desires when it comes to a relationship?  Let Him know. 
  2. That He would grant you patience and insight to wait for a good one (Isaiah 40:31). Waiting on God is never easy, because once again, it is a reminder that we are not in control.  But through the time of waiting, ask God to change you, nourish you, and fill you so that you are empowered and prepared to take the next steps when the timing is right. 
  3. That He would be working out anything unhealthy in your life (Jeremiah 33:8).  Some of our baggage and sin we can recognize, and some we can’t.  As you seek to enhance your love life, be sure to ask God to help you recognize and heal all the things in your life that aren’t lining up with His best.  Seek to get to the bottom of your sins, and ask for His healing power to be at work in your life. 
  4. That He would shape your heart for nourishing interactions with others (Colossians 3:12-14). It’s important to learn how to love, rather than simply longing to be loved.  When your heart is open to loving and edifying others the way it was meant to, your relationships will be enriched and empowered. 
  5. That He would bring healing into your past so that you are free to embrace the present (Philippians 3:13-14).  We are called to move forward, and forget what is behind.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get stuck on our past and be paralyzed from living in the present.  No matter what kinds of things your past may hold, ask God to be at work in your past so that you are free to live in the moment and embrace your present. 
  6. That He would protect your emotional world and give you wisdom of how to set healthy boundaries (Proverbs 4:23).  I talk a lot about guarding our hearts and how to practically do that, but how often do we actually pray about our hearts and emotional worlds?  God longs to be a part of our emotions just as much as our spiritual life.  He is a holistic God, who longs to interact with our mind, body, and soul.  Give Him a chance by opening your emotional life to Him through prayer. 
  7. That He would open your eyes to the joy of doing sex His way (Hebrews 13:4). It’s so easy to focus on what we can’t do before marriage, and end up harboring bitterness and resentment.  But what if we were to ask God to open our eyes to doing life His way?  What if we were to plead with Him to download His heart onto ours, so that we could truly understand what is best for our lives?  Rather than struggling with His plan, let’s ask Him to reveal His heart to ours, particularly in the area of sex and sexuality, so that we can be freed to trust Him without bitterness or regret.  (More on this in Chapter 8 of True Love Dates)
  8. That God would be the focus of your life now and forever (Psalm 37:4). At the end of the day, no matter how we view it, there is no gift that is greater than the Giver.   Whether we feel that or not, it doesn’t cease to be true.  May we continue to bring this request before God, so that He can turn our hearts to Him as our greatest delight and desire, because perspective has the power to change everything. 

This week, rather than focus on your problems, worries, or what you don’t yet have…focus on what you do have– A direct line to the One who controls all things, including your precious heart.  It’s time to actually do some real work in the area of our love life and relationships instead of wasting our mental energy away.  It’s time to pray. 

Source: http://truelovedates.com/8-ways-to-pray-for-your-love-life/

7 Truths About Marriage You Won’t Hear in Church

The Church provides a good foundation for marriage, but here are a few of the things you might not always hear.

Ever wish you had the answers to a test before you walked into the classroom? Maybe some of you did have the answers, but you better keep that to yourself. If you spent time in college, you remember review days where the professor would give some insights about the impending test. Miss review day, and it would be foolish to expect a passing grade.

But it never failed. I would follow the guideline. I would study the handout. But when it came time, the professor would put the exam on my desk and there would be a foreign formula or equation I had never seen—or, at least, one I did not see on the study guide. Looking back, I realize the teacher did not intend for the study guide to be comprehensive. It was simply not possible to include everything from the required reading, class notes and lectures.

Such is the case with the Church and marriage. I am grateful for the foundation the Church gave me in regard to marriage. It was a good study guide. But there some things on the test I did not learn until marriage began. So I am going to give you some answers to the test that some of you might not expect to see. Here are a few truths about marriage I never heard in church:

1. Sex is a Gift From God. Explore It.

God created sex, but through the years, God’s people have allowed Satan to steal this gift—without much of a fight.

I was never educated about sex—and I grew up in a Christian family. My framework for sex was built by my friends at school and the movies I watched. Big uh oh. I still struggle with enjoying the fullness of sex today because of the cloud of lies formed during my teenage years.

It is time for God’s people to take back the gift of sex. The lies surrounding it are ruining lives and marriages. If you are married, explore the fullness of sex for the glory of God. Pray for sexual intimacy with your spouse.

2. There is More Than One Person Out There You Could Marry.

Soulmates are made, not born. Maintaining a healthy relationship is more about commitment than perfection. Every person on earth has imperfections. And the reality is there is more than one person we could spend our lives with.

Soulmates are made, not born. Maintaining a healthy relationship is more about commitment than perfection

I meet too many young people that are waiting for something that is not real. “I just couldn’t marry her because she smacked her food.” “He just wasn’t the one. But I know my soulmate is still out there. I just have to keep looking.”

What if God does not want you to find a perfect person, but find an imperfect person who will draw you closer to Him? What if God desires you to marry a person with flaws to expose yours? What if God wants to teach you the value and life found in committing to one person forever, not the exhausting pursuit of searching your entire life to find the perfect person?

3. The First Year of Marriage is Really Hard.

What have we done? Are we going to make it? Why is this so hard? These are all questions I asked myself many times during my first year of marriage.

We were arguing. We were fighting. It was really hard. And every day I thought something was wrong. Nobody warned me about the difficulty of the first year.

If you are in the first year of marriage and thinking about giving up, you’re not alone. Everyone struggles. Persevere. There are better days coming. Your marriage will get better. Stick with it.

4. A Spouse Does Not Complete You.

Jerry Maguire has brainwashed a generation of people to believe a lie. Spouses do not complete people. I bought this lie, and it wasn’t until I let go of any notion my wife could fill some void that I was able to truly love her. I had been expecting Tiffani to do something only God can do.

If you are empty, broken or insecure and you believe a spouse is the silver bullet to your problems, buckle up. It will be a bumpy ride. You will never be able to enjoy the beauty of marriage if you think your spouse’s job is to complete you.

5. Marry Someone With Similar Goals, Dreams and Passions.

Marry someone who is a Christian, yes. But I would go further—marry someone with similar passions and dreams. Of course, no two people are going to want exactly the same things in life. But some things are harder to work through than others. For example, if you love foreign missions and your potential spouse hates going overseas, tension is going to arise.

If your spouse has similar passions, they will be able to understand your struggles and fully support your pursuits. There is much power in two people living life with the same goals, dreams and passions for life.

6. Marriage is Not for Everybody.

Paul talks about this in Corinthians. He tells the church at Corinth to remain in the situation they are in. If unmarried, then stay unmarried. If married, then stay married. Later, he says, “So then the person who marries his fiancee does well, and the person who doesn’t marry does even better” (1 Corinthians 7:38).

Maybe it is time for God’s people to accept the reality that God has not called everyone to marry. I have talked with young men and women that are almost consumed with finding a spouse. And most of the pressure comes from church. Once a person reaches mid-twenties, we assume something is wrong with them if they have not married.

Marriage is holy and good, but it is also possible to follow Jesus without a spouse.

Shame on us. Marriage is holy and good, but it is also possible to follow Jesus without a spouse.

7. Marriage is Not About You.

I love weddings. But in an increasingly individualistic, “me” culture, weddings create a potentially dangerous situation. It is all about the bride and groom. Everyone looks at them. Encourages them. Congratulates them.

Many couples have bought the lie of the wedding day: It is all about me. But marriage is at odds with this mindset. A successful wedding day is one where everyone serves you. A successful marriage is one where you serve your spouse. The wedding day is a day where the spotlight is on you. Marriage has no spotlight. The wedding day is joyous and celebratory. Many seasons of marriage are about persevering and not letting go through the storms.

Embrace your wedding day. Prepare for it. Celebrate it. But do not make the mistake of believing the lie that it’s all about you. After your 20 minutes of fame, the spotlight is gone forever. It is no longer about you (and this is a good thing, you will see).

This article was originally posted at frankmatthewpowell.com
Source: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/7-truths-about-marriage-you-won%E2%80%99t-hear-church#uX8fAJmuxo6FmI4R.99

Actions Speak Louder Than Words: 12 Ways Men Show Their Love

Actions Speak Louder Than Words: 12 Ways Men Show Their Love

James Michael Sama

In some conversations that I have with women regarding a man they are just starting to date, or even one they have been with for awhile – I often hear how he is not as verbal as they would like when it comes to showing their affection. Many things I suggest in my article suggest open and free communication between men and women in terms of showing how they value each other, but the truth is, it takes a certain kind of man to frequently put his feelings into words for you.

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It is not better or worse, it does not mean more or mean less, it just shows that men all express their affection in their own ways (as do women, of course).

So, even if your guy isn’t telling you how he feels, here are some ways he might show you.

He brings you around his friends.

Or family…

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