Jadilah Bijak

Saya bertemu dengan seorang teman yang berkeluh kesah disela-sela kegiatan kampus kami yang padat. Tidak biasanya teman saya ini berwajah murung, karna dia selalu dikenal sebagai sosok figur yang selalu ceria setiap harinya. Diapun bercerita tentang relasi dengan pacarnya. Saya pun secara pribadi sudah mengetahui bahwa teman saya ini sudah berpacaran bersama seorang pria sejak tahun 2012. Hubungan mereka sempat putus nyambung beberapa kali karna dari pihak pria kedapatan menjalin hubungan dengan wanita lain tanpa sepengetahuan teman saya ini.

Kejadian itu ternyata berulang lagi dengan permasalahan yang sama. Teman saya ngotot bahwa dia harus lebih sabar dan mengampuni pasangannya. Baginya “saya tidak mau menyerah untuk mempertahankan pasangan saya”. Diapun mengakui kepada saya bahwa hubungan mereka bukan saja sampai ke tahap serius belaka, tapi sudah melampaui hubungan fisik (sex) berkali-kali. Bahkan hubungan badan pertama kalinya adalah bersama pacarnya ini. Hal inilah yang membuat teman saya berusaha keras mempertahankan hubungan dengan pacarnya walau jelas-jelas banyak sekali “tanda-tanda” bahwa pria yang bersamanya bukanlah pria yang tepat.

Mengampuni vs Berhikmat

Banyak sekali khotbah yang saya dengar bahwa dalam sebuah hubungan diperlukan adanya pintu maaf yang dibuka sebesar-besarnya antara kedua pasangan. Tentunya mengampuni ini penting sekali. Tapi apakah dengan berjalannya waktu ada perbahan yang dialami oleh pasangan kita? Bila pola yang sama selalu berulang berkali-kali, mungkin sudah saatnya anda menimbang apakah hubungan ini layak untuk dilanjutkan atau tidak. Di Matius 10:16 Tuhan pun memberikan nasihat kepada kita bahwa kita harus cerdik seperti ular dan tulus seperti merpati. It means,  kita butuh hikmat ketika ada kasih di dalamnya. Kata salah satu dosen saya di kelas “jangan cinta bodok-bodok”.

Abuse = Cinta?

Oooooh… Come on people! Kini media mulai mempengaruhi generasi kita untuk percaya bahwa pria yang melakukan kekerasan (kekerasan verbal atau tindakan, tidak harus ditampar atau dipukul. Kalau itu mah definisi klasik) adalah tanda bahwa pria itu menyayangi dan ingin menjadi satu-satunya yang memiliki wanita. Well, sapa coba yang mau disiksa seumur hidupnya? Ingat lho, salah memilih pasangan berarti anda sedang memilih membawa neraka ke bumi, bukan surga ke bumi.

Kebanyakan pria yang melakukan abuse bila ditelusuri kisah hidupnya, mereka berasal dari keluarga yang kacau (broken home). Ada kepahitan, ada kepahitan atau luka yang dibawa entah karena sosok ayah ataupun ibu. Bila hal-hal ini tidak dibereskan, tidak diobati, maka akan menjadi kepahitan yang akan diberikan kepada anda sebagai pasangannya ataupun anak kalian kelak.

Sex = Cinta

Sepertinya nonton film, kalau tidak ada adegan kiss atau ranjang pasti tidak seru. Media mempertontonkan bahwa sex menjadi hal yang lumrah, wajar dalam pergaulan anak muda masa kini. Oh really?

Saya bertemu banyak sekali teman-teman yang memutuskan untuk melakukan hubungan sex ketika mereka berpacaran. Dan tahukah teman-teman? Ketika anda melakukan hubungan sex dengan pacar anda, belum tentu pacar anda itulah yang akan setia hingga kalian berdiri di altar gereja dan disahkan menjadi suami istri. Pihak pria tidak begitu terlihat dampaknya namun wanita akan ‘berbekas’. Jangan takut deh jadi perawan tua, di Yeremia 29:11 Tuhan berjanji bahwa Tuhan telah merencanakan masa depan untuk masing-masing kita. So, tidak perlu khawatir. “bagaimana bila saya tidak akan mendapatkan pria yang lebih baik dari dia?” Percayalah bahwa ketiak anda melepaskan hal yang buruk, Tuhan akan menggantikannya dengan hal yang lebih baik. Just be patience.

Hati vs Logika

Wanita memang cenderung lebih dominan menggunakan hati.  Bukan berarti semua keputusan harus didasarkan dengan perasaan. Jangan lupa membawa logika dalam setiap pertimbangan yang anda buat. Kadang, ada keputusan-keputusan sulit yang harus anda buat dalam relasi anda. Tapi keputusan tepat itu akan mengarahkan anda untuk menjadi lebih baik. Ingat, cinta seharusnya bukan makin membuat kepala anda pusing tujuh keliling namun bisa membawa damai. Bukan kesenangan sementara, tapi sama-sama berpikir keselamatan yang abadi. Bahkan pepatah juga menasehati kita: follow your heart but take your brain with you. 

Sebuah hubungan dilanjutkan dan tidaknya tergantung dari bagaimana anda mengambil keputusan. Ingatlah selalu bahwa jangan pernah takut melepaskan hal yang memberikan dampak negatif ke dalam hidup anda. Karna Tuhan selalu siap memberikan berbagai hal yang baik ketika anda mau melepaskannya.

 

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A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman, but a beautiful woman with a brain is an absolutely lethal combination. 

-Prabal Gurung

The 10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

The 10 Virtues of the Proverbs 31 Woman

1. Faith – A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

3.  Mothering – A Virtuous Woman teaches her children the ways of her Father in heaven. She nurtures her children with the love of Christ, disciplines them with care and wisdom, and trains them in the way they should go. (Proverbs 31: 28, Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 22: 6, Deuteronomy 6, Luke 18: 16)

4. Health – A Virtuous Woman cares for her body. She prepares healthy food for her family. (Proverbs 31: 14 – 15, Proverbs 31: 17, 1 Corinthians 6: 19, Genesis 1: 29, Daniel 1, Leviticus 11)

5. Service – A Virtuous Woman serves her husband, her family, her friends, and her neighbors with a gentle and loving spirit. She is charitable. (Proverbs 31: 12, Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20, 1 Corinthians 13: 13)

6. Finances – A Virtuous Woman seeks her husband’s approval before making purchases and spends money wisely. She is careful to purchase quality items which her family needs. (Proverbs 31: 14, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 18, 1 Timothy 6: 10, Ephesians 5: 23, Deuteronomy 14: 22, Numbers 18: 26)

7.  Industry – A Virtuous Woman works willingly with her hands. She sings praises to God and does not grumble while completing her tasks. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 16, Proverbs 31: 24, Proverbs 31: 31, Philippians 2: 14)

8. Homemaking – A Virtuous Woman is a homemaker. She creates an inviting atmosphere of warmth and love for her family and guests. She uses hospitality to minister to those around her. (Proverbs 31: 15, Proverbs 31: 20 – 22, Proverbs 31: 27, Titus 2: 5, 1 Peter 4: 9, Hebrews 13: 2)

9. Time – A Virtuous Woman uses her time wisely. She works diligently to complete her daily tasks. She does not spend time dwelling on those things that do not please the Lord. (Proverbs 31: 13, Proverbs 31: 19, Proverbs 31: 27, Ecclesiastes 3, Proverbs 16: 9, Philippians 4:8 )

10. Beauty – A Virtuous Woman is a woman of worth and beauty. She has the inner beauty that only comes from Christ. She uses her creativity and sense of style to create beauty in her life and the lives of her loved ones. (Proverbs 31: 10Proverbs 31: 21 – 22, Proverbs 31: 24 -25, Isaiah 61: 10, 1 Timothy 2: 9, 1 Peter 3: 1 – 6)

Your relationship with God isn’t an overnight project, it’s a lifelong process.

Dear Future Husband

Dear Future Husband,

I’ve had a long road that has left me with a lot of baggage and a couple of walls. If you’re willing to be patient with me and try to get past my walls, I promise I’ll be worth it.

I love you,
Your Future Wife

Captured by Jeni Karay

“If travel teaches us how to see, how come every time all I see is you?”

~Ika Natassa, Antologi Rasa

Captured by Jeni Karay

Kalau aku..
Aku jatuh cinta.
Aku jatuh cinta pada seseorang yang hanya sanggup aku gapai sebatas punggungnya saja.
Seseorang yang hanya sanggup aku nikmati bayangannya tapi takkan pernah bisa aku miliki.
Seseorang yang hadir bagaikan bintang jatuh.
Sekelebat, kemudian menghilang begitu saja.
Tanpa sanggup tangan ini mengejarnya.
Seseorang yang hanya bisa aku kirimi isyarat sehalus udara, langit, awan, atau hujan.

~Dee, Rectoverso

Captured by Jeni Karay

Warna yang sama bisa tampak sunyi dan riang sekaligus. Langit paham hal-hal semacam itu. Kata-katamu bicara terlalu banyak tapi tidak pernah cukup. Langit selalu cukup dengan cuaca dan pertanyaan-pertanyaan.

Jangan percaya pada ksrtupos dan kamera seorang petualang. Menyelamlah ke ingatannya dan temukan senja selalu basah di sana. Kau hanya boleh jatuh cinta kepada ingatan yang menyerupai langit: rentan dan tidak mudah dikira.

Dia meninggalkanmu agar bisa selalu mengingatmu. Dia akan pulang untuk membuktikan mana yang lebih kuat, langit atau matamu.

~Aan Mansyur

Why You Should Stop Searching for ‘The One’

Turn on any rom-com, listen to a sappy love song or watch most sitcoms, and you’ll likely encounter the same message: The key to finding love is committing to finding “the one.”

Pastor and author Andy Stanley, however, thinks that message is backward.

In his new book, The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating Stanley talks about why, in order to find the person we’re going to spend the rest of our lives with, we should focus on being the person that our future spouse is looking for, as well.

We recently spoke with Stanley about dating, why preparation trumps the idea of commitment and the proper view of premarital sex.

What’s the thesis of your new book, The New Rules For Love, Sex & Dating?

The theme of the book is We should become the person that the person we’re looking for is looking for. Are you the person you’re looking for is looking for?

The reason that’s important is because, in every area of life, we understand that preparation is the key to success, but when it comes to relationships, we think that, no, commitment is the key to success: I don’t need to prepare for a relationship, I just need to meet the right person and commit to that person.

In the book I talk about “the right person myth.” The “right person myth” is When I meet the right person, everything will be all right. But every single married person, every single divorced person knows that’s not the case, because 99 percent of the people who are married, when they stood at the altar and made their commitment or vows, thought they were making a vow to the right person.

We should become the person that the person we’re looking for is looking for.

Preparation trumps commitment every single time. The whole notion that “Once I meet the right person everything will turn out alright,” is predicated upon this lie that, “Hey, relational preparation is irrelevant, I just gotta meet the right person.”

You include a chapter in the book curiously called “designer sex.” Can you tell us what it’s about?

Designer sex is the old-fashioned approach to sex, that says, “Relationships are more important than sex. Build a relationship before you get involved sexually.” In the book, I kind of do twist on this, because our churches are designed for unchurched people. So I’ve written this book with the assumption not that every person is going to assume everything in the Bible is true.

So I’ve tried to back way up and ask some tough questions. For example, when people break up—whether it’s dating couple that breaks up, somebody who’s been living together that breaks up or a marriage that breaks up—people do not break up for sexual reasons; people break up because of relationship problems.

In the book, I argue that it makes sense that if there’s a God who loves and there’s a God who created sex—which is an interesting idea in of itself—that what God has to say about this topic is important, and common sense actually supports the New Testament as it relates to sex.

Sexually compatibility is easy, relational compatibility is not. So it just makes sense if you’re thinking in terms of a long-term relationship, we need to load up on the relational aspects of the relationship rather than sexual.

What I’m saying in this book is look, you don’t need a chapter and verse for this; you don’t need to be a church person for this; here’s what we know experientially: That the relationship is the key to happiness, and getting involved sexually on the front end of a relationship masks unhealthy relationships and ultimately undermines sexual satisfaction. Because every married couple and every couple that’s been together 15 or 20 years who has a healthy sexual relationship would tell you that it’s the relationship that drives the sex, not the other way around.
In the book, you talk about a Q&A event where a man asked what’s so wrong with sexual promiscuity. Can you describe that interaction?

This guy was probably 40 years old. He raised his hand—there were about 200 people—and he said, “Look, Andy, I’ll be honest. I’ve been married. I’m divorced. I’m dating. I don’t want to ever get remarried. Why in the world should I adhere to a New Testament approach to sexuality? Why should I not have sex?”

I said, “Well, there’s really no reason for you not to.” I pushed back on him. I said, “Gosh, if all there is to this life is life, you should have sex with whoever you want to, as many times as you want to.” And, of course, everyone in the room got a little uncomfortable.

I said, “If all there is to this life is life, then you’re biology, so just go with your biology. And you’ll have a string of hurt people behind you. Women will become a commodity. You will be disrespectful to women. That’s just what’s going to happen if we’re just biology.” I said to him, “If there’s more to you than biology, and if there’s more to this life than this life, then it’s a really big deal.”

Your worldview should determine how you manage your sexuality and the way your approach sexuality. If there’s a God who loves you and a God that has invited you to address in His heavenly father, that means that every single woman you meet is a daughter to your heavenly father. That should determine how you approach sex, and it should determine how you treat women.

Source: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/why-you-should-stop-searching–one

Your Desk Job Matters

Corporate jobs may be frowned upon by many millennials, but they’re still meaningful to God.

“Yeah, you’re a bit of a YUP,” my friend smiled. I stared back at him, confused.

“What? Really? No way. You think?” I responded, contemplating the claim.

“Think about it. You work downtown. Have your own car. You’re buying your own house soon. You dress up every day and you work in a big office building. Young? Check. Urban? Check. Professional? Check.”

“I guess you’re right.” I paused, chuckling. “But I’m not your typical YUP. I’m just your regular guy.” Defenses up, I did my best to avoid the stereotype of one of those stuffy entitled guys in a suit, recalling my journalism days and my dreams for the future.

“Oh for sure.” He said. “But does it matter if you’re a YUP or not? You’re there for a reason, God’s using your gifts and you’re following His direction, right? You’re in the right place so long as you keep faith, trust in God and seek to show His love to the people you work with.”

My friend had a point. Most twentysomethings, especially those in the the Church, want to do something meaningful with their life—and they often think that translates directly into working in full-time ministry, dedicating their life to creating art or starting their own nonprofit. All those things are worthwhile and good goals, but looking around my church at the twentysomethings who are making a lot of big life decisions, rarely do I see an example of a young millennial who has gone the traditional route of a four-year college degree to find themselves in a cubicle on the 11th floor—or at least who are happy being there. It isn’t the ideal of many who seek to serve the Kingdom of God.

Having worked in a corporate setting for a few years, I’ve often questioned why I still walk to the same desk every day.

Corporate work offers many opportunities to serve God, to show love to people and to be a good steward of what you’ve been given.

But while our communities and churches certainly benefit from photographers, artists, writers, musicians, artisans, chefs, carpenters, fire-fighters, hard-laborers, entrepreneurs and small-business owners, those who have found themselves in a corporate gig have just as much to contribute to both the Church and the Kingdom as any other talented individual. In fact, corporate work offers many opportunities to serve God, to show love to people and to be a good steward of what you’ve been given. Here are a few reasons your corporate job matters:

1. It’s a Place to Exercise Your Gifts.

Maybe you’re naturally good with money, or you’re an excellent copywriter. You have a knack for creating sound business plans, handling budgets and organizing people. Whatever your gifting may be in terms of your professional skills, your corporate position may be the perfect place to exercise and develop those gifts. Often, organizations will even pay for your professional development or schooling in order to advance you in the company or give you greater responsibility. And the demands of the corporate business world also call for the application of sound biblical principles of honesty, integrity, accountability, a solid work ethic and a love for people, including colleagues and customers.

If you’ve found yourself in a corporate setting, take a step back and examine your circumstance. You have skills and talents that got you there. In what ways can you honor those God-given gifts, where you are, right now?

2. It Provides Ways to Serve the Church With Your Expertise.

Church isn’t just a place to show up once or twice a week. It’s a gathering of a diverse collection of people to worship God together, to learn of God’s Word together, to serve our communities together. It’s also the living, breathing Body of Christ.

Every single person has the ability to contribute to the health of the Church, and your corporate experience and gifts might be exactly what the Church needs. You have the ability to help someone get their small business running, assist a local business with marketing, bring your organization or leadership skills to your church’s next conference or children’s event and even use your accounting skills to help your church balance its budget.

You probably know more than you think, and you can use that knowledge to help the Church and Body of Christ in ways that others simply cannot.

Your corporate job gives you insight into standard business practices that others can benefit from. You probably know more than you think, and you can use that knowledge to help the Church and Body of Christ in ways that others simply cannot.

3. It Offers Opportunities to Reach the Unreached.

As a follower of Christ, you have influence in your place of work. In every office, there is someone who needs to know the love of Jesus, who needs to hear the message of the Cross, who needs someone like you to speak truth and life into their circumstance. This is perhaps your biggest opportunity to find purpose in your corporate work. God can and will use you to reach people in finance, accounting, marketing, advertising—whatever the field.

Rather than looking at corporate work as the evil scourge of the earth (though you certainly want to make sure your personal values align with an organization’s corporate values), riding the elevator to the 11th floor every day may be exactly where God needs you to develop your spiritual character, your gifts and to reach those who are broken, empty and living without knowing their Savior.

Your corporate job matters so long as you keep in mind what you are putting in and what you are getting out of it. As long you’re developing, learning, reaching others and honoring the Lord by doing work with excellence and fervor, that gray cubicle may be the exact place you need to be.

Source: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/maker/your-desk-job-matters